The Unwanted Casteel
by Fires Of Corruption
Summary: The story of a Made Up Character named Colvin Casteel and the hardships and doom he suffers. Son of Luke Casteel. Read and you'll find out more...
1. 1: Cruelty

.:Chapter One - Cruelty:.  
  
.:Life wasn't ever pretty. Not for me. I lived in darkness, a world of cruelty. A world filled with promises that would never be filled, cruel words that made me sink deeper into my shell, made my ears deaf to anything loving and kind. I was alone in this pitiful world:.  
  
.:My mother was a whore who worked at the bar down the road, Shirley's Place. Almost every drunk in Winnerow, West Virginia went there to sleep with women like my mother. My mother never looked down on what she was, but admired it proudly, as if she were some Greek goddess. I knew from the beginning that I was a mistake. How could one forget they were not a mistake when it was repeated over and over, and you was a small child who was expected to repeat it like a damned parrot?:.  
  
.:My mother lived in an old, beat up house. It was large, but poor. The walls were once white, but the paint was peeling and cracking off. The floor wasn't level and some places rose higher than in other places. My mother lived with her younger sister, Hope. Hope was only fifteen, a lot younger than my mother. Their mother had died years ago, when Hope was five. Their father had died just two or three years ago:.  
  
.:"Not that it matters," My mother told me one evening, when I was about five, asking why I didn't have a grandfather:.  
  
.:"He would be sickened by the image of you. Don't you know that you are a mistake, you little piss ant?" she spoke, and each insulting word was a stinging slap to my small cheeks:.  
  
.:"Leave him alone!" Hope cried, coming to my defense, as she always did. She loved me more than my own mother did. Aunt Hope was the one who cuddled me close, sang me soft lullabies, even though I tried to say I hated lullabies:.  
  
.:"No child is ever a mistake," she said, and my mother chuckled:.  
  
.:"I supposed every child is born out of love also, then? No such luck, baby sis...this little bastard was created by lust and my ignorance to forget my pills..." Hope glared at her:.  
  
.:"He was meant to be born, Donna. I don't care what you say," she spat, as she opened her arms so I could hurry into the safeness of them:.  
  
.:"My Hope..." I murmured in my childish voice, burying my face in her neck. She held me tighter:. 


	2. 2: When The World Comes Crashing Down

.:Chapter Two - When The World Comes Crashing Down:.  
  
.:A year passed when Mother stopped her job at Shirley's Place and decided to go to a strip club instead. I soon found out why she had changed her jobs; it was for the new boyfriend she had who was to live with us:.  
  
.:In reality, my mother and her new boyfriend had been seeing each other on and off for months, but she had been ashamed to bring him home:.  
  
.:I was sitting in the living room, watching the battered, black and white television we had when Mother and her new boyfriend entered the house:.  
  
.:"Colvin.....Hope, git in here and meet ya new Daddy, brother in law!" she cried, and I looked at the huge man beside her. He was tall, almost six foot three, with scraggly dark hair and stone gray eyes. He had a thick stubble of dark hair under his chin and on his cheeks:.  
  
.:"What do you mean...brother in law?" Hope flared, glaring angrily at her sister:.  
  
.:"This here is ma new husband. Jim Lanely. Jim, this is my idiot sister Hope whose doomed to be a spinster...and that little shit over there is my lil bastard child I should have left on the corner of da street," she said. Even though I was only six, I winced at her words:.  
  
.:Jim was to stay with us for good. He resented me, as Mother had, the first day he laid eyes on me. I did not realize that something else had sparkled into his eyes when he saw me and Hope...and I hoped my mother would burn to hell if she knew he would do this!:.  
  
.:I was in my room one evening, if you called it a room. It was as small as a closest about, but I loved to sit on the floor and color with a box of crayons Hope had gotten me for my birthday. The door opened and I looked up to see Jim, who was staggering and smelled deeply of alcohol:.  
  
.:Even that young, I knew what alcohol was, for I smelled it all the time because Mother was a heavy drinker. He leered at me, grinning, showing me his yellow teeth. I was scared to death. So scared I was frozen to my seat on the floor:.  
  
.:"What ya drawing, boy?" he asked, staggering into the small room. I looked down at the picture I had drawn. It was a picture of Hope, with a halo and wings...I had drawn her the best I could. Two small light blue dots for her eyes, and brown hair:.  
  
.:"Hope," I said, and he laughed:.  
  
.:"Hope? Ah hell...I just had my way with Hope," he said. I didn't know what he was talking about, and he knew that:.  
  
.:"Say...stand up there boy...let me look at ya," he said:.  
  
.:I was scared stiff, so I stood, thinking he would get terribly angry if I didn't...His eyes surveyed me for a long moment, then he smiled and pushed me back onto the bed:.  
  
.:"Now boy...this won't hurt a bit," he said, as he began to undo his belt. His belt! Mother beat me with a belt sometimes and my eyes were locked in horror on that belt. He saw how the belt held my attention and smiled cruelly. He undid his pants and kept the belt in his hands, as if any moment he would slap me with it like Mother did so often for no reason:.  
  
.:"Take off yer pants," he said, and I shook my head. I didn't want him to see me naked, even if he was a man! He scowled, brought his hand that held the belt back. I quivered and quickly pulled down my pajama pants and underwear. He smiled and then threw me back against the headboard so it hit my head and made it ache:.  
  
.:Then he was on me, his hands touching my private parts. Hot tears ran down my cheeks when he squeezed and pulled, and then pinched, for his hands were rough and he wasn't being gentle...I didn't know what he was doing, and I didn't want to know. All I knew was I felt pain. He came into my room twice a week to make me take off my pants so he could pinch and squeeze me. Bruises and red blotches were left, but he didn't care:. 


	3. 3: Guardian Angel, Wounded

.:Chapter Three - Guardian Angel, Wounded:.  
  
.:One day I was walking around stiffly, and Hope noticed, asked me what was wrong. I began to cry, and then she had me go into the bathroom with her so I could strip my pants down to show her what hand been done. A part of me was afraid she would want to hurt me more, but she didn't. Her eyes grew small and blank as she was hit with the realization of what Jim had done to me:.  
  
.:"Will I be okay, Hope? It hurts..." I cried, as tears ran down my cheeks. Hope forgot she was a girl and tried to put something on it. It stung at first, but soon it felt better. Hope seemed embarrassed for some reason, that I didn't understand at the time:.  
  
.:"Hope...I love you. He hurt me...he said he hurt you...did he?" I asked. Relunctantly Hope nodded, moving her hair back so I could see the bite marks over her neck. I was young, naive, and didn't know what else he had done to her. I had no idea....:.  
  
.:Hope turned seventeen, but no presents were given to her, only by me. Me, a mere seven year old. With only a colorful picture to give her. But she smiled as if I had gave her a million dollars and hugged me close:.  
  
.:"Oh Colvin Donahue Casteel...you're the sweetest thing I do know," she whispered. We never celebrated our birthdays. Hope and I longed for a birthday cake, like she said she had when she was younger. I loved to hear about how her life used to be, until her Dad died and left her with a monster of a sister...and a mother to me..:.  
  
.:That night I worked hard in my room to make Hope something close to a cake. I had saved a cookie from my lunch at school, and had borrowed a dollar to buy some candy. I smeared peanut butter onto the cookie and put candy on it. It was almost a cake, and I was darn proud of myself! I was also excited, for I hoped Hope would like it. I had made it for her, all for her:.  
  
.:I left my room and went into hers, which was a bit bigger, not much. Her old room had been used to store some old junk my mother kept. When I opened the door and slipped inside, I imagined Hope would be sitting on her bed, reading like she usually was at this time. My mouth opened in shock at what I saw:.  
  
.:Jim had ripped Hope's pretty green dress off of her and threw her against the wall, pressing himself against her. His pants were unbuckled, and I watched as he moved against her, thrusting into her, letting out low growls and grunts as Hope whimpered:.  
  
.:I didn't know what they were doing, but I knew he had hurt Hope. I was afraid to run to her rescue, for if I did he was the type who would force more punishment upon her than me. I watched them, wondering what exactly he was doing...he wasn't doing to Hope what he did to me:.  
  
.:He let out a moan and then stopped moving. He moved back and threw Hope to the ground, as if she were garbage. His eyes bulged when he saw me there, then he evilily grinned. If I had know better I would have ran back to my room! But I was barely seven, and I had no idea what they were doing:.  
  
.:"You like to watch, Colvin?" he sneered, his stone eyes not blinking once as he looked at me, a evil smile breaking out upon his lips:.  
  
.:"How about I teach you a lil about the birds and the bees?":.  
  
.:I looked around, confused. Where did he see the birds and the bees? Were they in the house? Or was he going to show me tomorrow outside, if it was sunny out...? He laughed at my confusion, shook his head:.  
  
.:"Not animals, you little twit. I mean how a man gets a woman," he said:.  
  
.:I smiled, for I already knew how to do that:.  
  
.:"I already know how to do that," I said, flashing a smile at him:.  
  
.:"I'm going to meet a girl one day and she's going to be the best woman in the world. I'll give her roses and ask her to live with me in the forest, with the birds and the animals. She will say yes and we will live in the forest," I said:.  
  
.:"Little bastard, this isn't a fairy tale. In real life, you gotta learn to control your women," he said:.  
  
.:"Woman," I corrected:.  
  
.:"What do you mean, woman? Women," he said, and I shook my head:.  
  
.:"No....I don't want women I want one. Only one," I said. Jim laughed:.  
  
.:"Oh you say that now....anyway I am gonna show you how to control that WOMAN you get, all right?" he asked, smiling wickedly. I shook my head:.  
  
.:"Don't wanna control her...just wanna love her," I said, as his face grew bright red. His hand whipped out to slap my cheek and send me reeling backwards, even as my hands tried to hold onto the cookie dessert I had made for Hope:.  
  
.:"Boy...ya gonna watch me or I make her hurt ten times as much," he said. Tears welled into my eyes as I nodded. He made me sit beside the bed, and I did so. I didn't want him to hurt Hope too much!:.  
  
.:I watched as he slung her back onto the bed; she looked at me with tired, frightened eyes:.  
  
.:I watched as Jim slammed her up against the headboard, pulling her legs behind him:.  
  
.:"Know what ya gotta do to make em behave?" he asked, looking at me, and I shook my head. He pulled back so I saw his private part like mine...only bigger...bright red and hard:.  
  
.:"One day yours will be like this...and this is how ya control ya woman," he said, turning back to Hope. I watched as he forced that private part of him inside hers, and began to thrust into her. I saw her squeeze her eyes shut in pain, as he bit at her neck, and at her upper private place I wasn't supposed to see:.  
  
.:She whimpered, as tears slid down her cheeks. Watching the act made my heart shrivel more and more, until it felt like a tight coil that would explode. Finally he moaned and they were still again. I saw blood from the bitemarks and scratch marks, and hated him. He smirked at me, and without any shame, he walked out of the room:.  
  
.:I crawled onto the bed where Hope was lying in a heap, crying:.  
  
.:"Hope..why you gotta control your woman like that?" I asked, and she looked up at me, forced a smile. I handed her the cookie:.  
  
.:"I wanted to get you a cake...but I couldn't find one, so I made you a cookie-cake," I said. Her eyes lit up and she hugged me, even as she winced with pain. She drew on her nightgown and then drew me into her arms as we shared the cookie-cake:.  
  
.:"Don't listen to him. That is not how you control a woman you love. He is evil, Colvin. He hurts women. Don't be like him," she said:.  
  
.:"What do I do then? To get her to love me?" I asked. Hope laughed, kissed the top of my head, thinking I was silly:.  
  
.:"You don't have to do much if she loves you for you. It's nice to do things for her. Who could resist you, Colvin? Wait until your older, with that thick, dark hair, and those dark intense eyes of yours. All of the women will love you," she said, as I frowned:.  
  
.:"I don't want women to love me! Just one. Just one I love. I want her to be like you, Hope. I wanna marry you but your my aunt...so I want a woman as sweet as you." She thought I was sweet, and cuddled me into her sore arms:.  
  
.:"Colvin...I wish you were my baby. We would run from this awful place and I'd love you forever," she said, kissing the top of my head, as we both drifted off into dreamland...:. 


	4. 4: It Can't Be

.:Chapter Four - It Can't Be...:.  
  
.:Hope was ten years older than I was. She loved me more than my own mother did, and I didn't even know who my father was. I felt so alone in the world sometimes, so envious of the other children at school. They were happy and chatted with their friends, while I had none. They wanted to come to my house, but I could not bring them over. Not that I wanted to anyway! I didn't want anyone to see how I lived!:.  
  
.:Jim continued to hurt Hope and I at least twice a week in the house, until he left me alone. He must have tired of me:.  
  
.:I was in the kitchen one day, eight years old. Jim thought that since I was eight, I needed to do my share around the house. I was assigned to wash dishes. I had never been very coordinated in my life, and dropped things easily. Even though I tried to explain this to Jim, he shrugged me off, thinking I was trying to get out of work:.  
  
.:"Damn little bastard. You should have to clean everything here! In this house! I tell ya to clean the damn dishes and you break one! You conniving little shit!" he screamed as I had accidently dropped a plate. As soon as the white china had shattered against the floor, I knew I was in trouble, for that was an expensive plate!:.  
  
.:"Take off yer pants," he growled, stepping towards me so I would step back, finding I had trapped myself into a corner. He began to unbuckle his belt, and I shook my head. No, no, no! Don't do it again!:.  
  
.:"Leave him alone, Jim!" Aunt Hope cried, running into the kitchen. She was my savior, my hero, and a fool. He turned to glare at her and moved for her instead. I pulled on his leg, hit at him, tried to get his attention back on me so he would leave her alone...I so wanted to protect her:.  
  
.:But he shoved me aside brutally so my head hit the cabinets, and then he rammed my savior against the wall, pressing his mouth to hers so brutally her eyes went blank and rolled back into her head. I wanted to scream 'No!' but I knew if I did, it wouldn't matter. He wouldn't stop. Not now:.  
  
.:Tears were slipping down my cheeks, even as I sobbed as I watched Jim hit Hope again and again, leaving ugly black and bruises on her face and arms. He ripped her shirt open like a wild animal, and then slit her skirt apart. He roughly bit her neck and shoulders, leaving ugly red marks. Her eyes were tightly closed with fear, as she tried her best to hit at him, keep him away...but she was far too weak. And I was only a boy:.  
  
.:I watched as he pulled his pants down, and pressed her so close against the wall she cried out in pain. My heart broke as he thrust into her, again and again, hitting her face, biting her pinching her skin so red blotches accompanied her bruises. And when he was finished, he threw her to the floor like she was garbage and walked out. I now knew that what he had done to her was called 'rape', for I had heard it mentioned on a movie once:.  
  
.:She was bleeding, had cuts, bruises, red blotches, and sores all over her. I scrambled over to her, covering her with my blanket. She looked at me with kindess, and even though it must have felt like she were on fire, pulled me into her arms against her. Her body was covered with the blanket, but I sensed she hurt even as she held me tightly in her arms:.  
  
.:"I wish I could take you away with me, Colvin," she whispered, kissing the top of my head, as tears glistened in her eyes:.  
  
.:"I hurt Colvin..but what hurt more was seeing your tears, hearing you cry...oh Colvin...I hate what he's doing to us, to you..." she soothed, as she rested her cheek against my cheek:.  
  
.:I was told I was worthless, a bastard with a no name father as I grew up. A whore's child. A child who would grow up to be just like his mother. Wild, untamed. So I was to be punished. Jim would come into my room and beat me, molest me, and use a knife to cut me. My mother would come home and would push me away if I tried to throw myself into her embrace:.  
  
.:"Stop crying to me, you little faggot. You're a bastard child with no father. You deserve whatever you get," she said, her voice cold:.  
  
.:I was thirteen years old, almost fourteen when one night Hope came into my room. She was almost twenty four. She stayed for me. I knew she did. She wished she could run off with me, but we both knew Jim would hunt us down and punish us severely, for he was afraid we would one day tell someone what he had done to us...:.  
  
.:"What's wrong, Hope?" I asked, looking alarmed at the tears streaking down her face. I held my arms open as I sat upon my bed, and she ran to throw herself into my arms, where she broke down into uncontrollable sobs. I held her close to me, the only person I loved in this world:.  
  
.:"Colvin....I missed two of my periods..." she whispered, as my eyes bulged with surprise. We had sex education at school, even though I had gotten all of the graphic parts about sex at home...and rape also. For Jim and Mother never cared if we saw them having sex together or not. Sometimes I wondered if they actually wanted an audience there to witness their pleasure:.  
  
.:"Oh...Hope...no...it can't be," I whispered, as hot tears ran down her cheeks to fall upon my pajama shirt. She trembled in my arms, a woman who had went through much more than most her age. She appeared young, innocent at first glance, but when you looked deeper into her cerulean eyes, they were old eyes, eyes that feared and expected no happiness:.  
  
.:"I am afraid I am...I'm gaining weight, Colvin...oh god...I don't know what to do..." Neither did I. How could we keep her safe, keep Mother and Jim from knowing? Hope finally decided she would try her best to hide it:.  
  
.:"But how, when Jim comes to your room so often? He will notice!" I cried:.  
  
.:"Oh Colvin...he doesn't come as much as he used to. I'm surprised I haven't gotten pregnant before this, for you know he uses no protection, ever...and your mother had her tubes tied after you was born so she wouldn't have any more children.":.  
  
.:Not like she was really meant to be a mother anyways! I was her only child, and she treated me like a piece of furniture that cluttered up her space, her life:.  
  
.:"Damn it Hope, one day I'm going to make them pay!" I cried, and Hope gripped my shoulders with as much strength as her weak hands could afford:.  
  
.:"Stop that, Colvin Donahue Casteel! I hear enough of that language! Don't let them force the habit upon you too! Don't get so bitter over revenge that you scare women away, push away from someone who loves you. Don't let them take that special person inside you, Colvin. For you are so sweet...the sweetest guy I know. So stop it...we'll manage somehow...haven't we before?":.  
  
.:Hope was right. We had managed to live through the worst of times. Hopefully we would be able to survive long enough to escape this house, to pursue our goals and dreams...I wanted more than anything to be a teacher. Some of the other guys at school laughed at me, taunted me, but I held firmly to my dream. I wanted to be a teacher so I could help my students. Being abused, I could help other children who were abused. I would know at first glance if they had ever been abused:. 


	5. 5: With God As My Witness

Chapter 5: With God As My Witness.:Hope wanted to be an actress, or a singer. She knew she might never acheive this goals, but she still dreamt about them with a fervent passion:.  
  
.:Hope didn't show until her fourth month because we were malnourished. When she started to show, she put on the baggest clothes she could find. I snuck a book home from school that was in our Health class about pregnancy, so she would know what to do. I was shocked to discover Hope was thirty pounds underweight than she should be!:.  
  
.:"What are we going to do...Hope?" I asked, heavily sighing. She had to gain more weight, or the baby would be underweight. How she was going to hide her entire pregnancy from my mother and Jim was still a big mystery to me. I began to steal some of the food in the richer kid's lunchboxes at school, even their money:.  
  
.:I knew it was wrong, but they had so much more than us, and I would do what I had to. I would lie, cheat, steal for Hope. She gained a little more weight with what I had managed to steal, but still it was not enough!:.  
  
.:"It's all right, Colvin...I'll manage," she whispered. Why was it so many in the people had so much, and some who needed it, really needed it, had so much less? I saw rich children at school waste so much food. I was fool enough to dig it back from the trashcan, but we were desperate:.  
  
.:We ate off of the floor if we had to. Most people would grimace in disgust and scowl at us if they knew what we did, but they had never been starving, either. Mother and Jim stayed out a lot more often now, sometimes hardly coming home except twice a week:.  
  
.:It was a good thing since if they were out more, the less more likely they would suspect Hope's condition. Then again, when they weren't home, neither was their money:.  
  
.:I stole from those richer than me, and since I was almost fourteen, I decided I needed to go find work. I worked at small jobs around the trashy neighborhood we lived in, cleaning people's houses, cutting their grass and trimming their bushes, walking dogs, and washing their cars:.  
  
.:"Colvin...I hate you having to work already...you need to hang onto your childhood before you lose it forever," Hope said. I stared blankly at her, for my childhood had never started. We had not grown like normal children, playing with toys, riding bicycles. All of that was a waste to us. We had played outside, but the yard was never kept mowed, and the grass had made my small body itch and break out into rashes:.  
  
.:Childhood? The term was not in my vocabulary, and if it was, it was covered among the bitter and crude words we had heard daily. On the black and white television we owned (even though the other children had color ones at home), we saw children playing, sometimes even with their parents. It was science fiction, all a fantasy for us. We never thought parents could be so loving. Not that either of us were to blame:.  
  
.:My mother and Jim would pay for what they had done to us, I was going to be sure of that! Never would we be starving, beating, or molested again. There would be a day where I would be the one to starve them, to beat them, to deny them anything and everything that they so desired! In the bible, it said to honor thy mother and thy father:.  
  
.:Newsflash, I didn't have a father, and my mother was a strumpet, sinful and wicked. Was I still to honor her? I think not. I would never honor a woman that was so low she was almost on a level with the worms, blind in the dark, under the moist earth that she would suffocate under:.  
  
.:My day would come. It haunted me, pulsed through my very veins. I would be the one to deliver upon them the punishment for their sins. With God as my witness...:.  
  
.:I watched, fascinated, throughout the weeks as Hope's once almost hollowed and frail stomach began to swell gently out in front of her. When we were alone, she would have me in her room. We would sit on her bed, and she would lift her shirt up just enough so I could place my hand on her stomach. We wasn't being evil, not at all:.  
  
.:When the baby was moving inside, kicking, and I felt the power of something so small, without a name so determined to get out of its protective bubble...It made me smile:.  
  
.:Mother had griped and groaned about being pregnant with me, but I found it utterly fascinating. So much life inside. The baby had not been born of love, but neither had I. Maybe Hope could get away this time, with the baby, with me...or would she give it up?:.  
  
.:"Hope...?" I murmured one evening, as we lay on her bed, my hand caressing her stomach:.  
  
.:"Yes, Colvin?" she asked, and I hesistated before speaking:.  
  
.:"Are you gonna keep this baby...?":.  
  
.:For a long moment Hope was silent. I heard her softly sigh:.  
  
.:"If I can get a job...some money, perhaps. If not...then I may have no choice. I will not keep a child that will grow up the way we have, Colvin. Not when he or she can be brought up in a nice house, with loving parents, with plenty of food and love...like I was in before my mom and dad died.":.  
  
.:I nodded, and felt like I wanted to go crawl into a corner and cry, really bawl! Hope was being something my mother wasn't, unselfish. Even if she grew attached to the child, she still wanted him or her to grow up happy. Sometimes it hurt so much not having a father, and even more that my mother despised me from conception:.  
  
.:Hope was six months pregnant, almost there. Her legs sometimes were sore and swelled, and I tried my best to do what I could for her. She tried to stay hidden from Mother and Jim, for she was showing so much it was apparent...:.  
  
.:One evening I was in my room, reading up on what Hope would experience during her sixth month, writing down the important things to hand to her later on, when I heard screaming and yelling:.  
  
.:"DAMN YOU TO HELL YOU LITTLE SLUT! SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WOULD TRY TO BE LIKE ME! BUT THOSE DAYS ARE OVER!" I heard my mother scream, and I dashed into Hope's room, where Mother and Jim were, glaring at Hope:.  
  
.:I wanted to grab a chair and swing it at them, knock them down, then Hope and I could run away. But I stood there, staring stupidly, even as I scanned my mind to think of something to do...anything!:.  
  
.:"Sleeping with my husband! More like...SEDUCING! Has she seduced you, Jim?" Mother cried, even though I saw in her gray eyes that she knew the truth, she just wanted Hope to be in trouble!:.  
  
.:"Always. She's been mad lately, since I haven't been around much," Jim said, as Hope's mouth popped open with disbelief, and anger sparked in her blue eyes:.  
  
.:"That's just like you! Thinking every woman in the whole world would do anything to sleep with the great Jim Lanely! Two dollars to see the biggest arrogant pimp in the land! Oh yes, and need I forget to mention all the women you've forced!" Hope screamed:.  
  
.:I winced, praying for God that he wouldn't hurt her, that he would leave her alone! But his eyes glared, shone like fire was inside, even as he stepped up to her. His hand moved so quickly I didn't see it slap her face until I heard the stinging slap. Mother turned and walked away:.  
  
.:"Leave her alone!" I growled, as I ran to tackle him. I was a fool, a mere fourteen year old against someone thirty something, or more than that!:.  
  
.:He laughed as he shoved me away, and then slapped Hope again, so she slammed into the wall. He shoved her against the wall, slamming her into the wall, her stomach hitting the wall...and that life was inside of her. I was so horrified I couldn't move. He slammed her into the wall so hard she screamed, a scream that would forever ring into my ears...:.  
  
.:Dark red blood...stained on the white walls. Hope's blood. I grew dizzy; Hope's screams grew fainter and fainter as I tried to hold my grip onto the wall, then I fell....A sharp pain dug into my head like a mole and all was dark after that...:. 


	6. 6: One Gets Away

.:Chapter 6: One Gets Away:.  
  
.:I woke up in bed. My room, my plain, brownish-white walls. I jumped out of bed, worried for Hope. I still remembered the events of today...or had it been yesterday? Just how long had I slept? All I remember is the blood...Hope's screams as Jim slammed Hope into the wall, again and again...:.  
  
.:I went into Hope's room, where I found her in bed, looking weak and thin, her face as pale as flour. Tears rolled down her cheeks. I cautiously approached her bed, and she saw me:.  
  
.:"Oh Colvin...." she sobbed, holding her arms out so I could embrace her, which I did. I pulled back to look into her eyes:.  
  
.:"What happened, Hope? You was so bloody...I tried to protect you, I tried!" I cried, and she drew me tight against her...that's when I felt the difference. She'd always been too thin, even when she was pregnant, but there was no mistaking...horrified I looked at her:.  
  
.:"Hope..I don't feel the baby!":.  
  
.:Her face went sad, yet looked a bit relieved at the same time as she turned her face away:.  
  
.:"I lost the baby...I aborted, Colvin," she said in a choked voice:.  
  
.:All I could do was sit there, as if in shock, and perhaps I was. I had loved that unborn baby so much...I began to cry. Hope held me, her tears silent, and I threatened to get back at those who had hurt us! They would pay, pay, pay until their faces were pale and thin, their ribs sticking out like ours, bruises over them from the lack of strength!:.  
  
.:A few weeks later, I turned fourteen. Nothing was special about getting older in this house, it just meant that you might be able to escape when you were eighteen...even though Hope hadn't escaped yet:.  
  
.:I went to Hope's room, the first place I went every morning. To my surprise, I found her room empty. Her closet was open, and what dearth amount of clothes she had was gone; only the raggedy clothes and too small clothes remained. Her notebooks full of her wild fantasy stories were gone, her necklace I had gotten her last year by getting money for mowing grass in the richer neighborhoods...her bed was made perfectly, and a note with a white package set on top:.  
  
.:I took the note and unfolded it, curious at the contents...:.  
  
.:Dear Colvin,  
  
The last thing in the world that I ever wanted to do was to break your heart, or abandon you, so I hope you find enough love for me in your heart to forgive me. Ever since my father died, I wanted out of this house. I suppose I stayed longer than I should have because I didn't want you in this awful house alone. All it did was make me pregnant and then I aborted. I may never be able to have any children again. Please do not be too harsh with me for leaving, I love you with all my heart, but I knew I wouldn't be able to take me with you, for it would be kidnapping. I would be thrown in jail, and you would be punished even greater. Forgive me for my selfishness. I hope you will cling on to that hope inside you, and the love you wish to one day bestow apon the woman of your dreams. Good luck, my little prince.  
  
*Hope:.  
  
.:My wet tears soaked the letter, as my dark eyes glared at the wall. No, I didn't blame Hope, not one bit. I blamed Mother, blamed Jim! But most of all, Mother, who married this monster in the first place, let him rape Hope, molest me, abuse us! I was glad Hope had escaped, I hated her living here, sometimes I thought we would both be better off dead than to live here!:.  
  
.:Mother and Jim, of course, blamed me at first for Hope's disappearance:.  
  
.:"No...I think she ran off without him...knowing it was too risky..." Jim drawled. And I had thought he was a complete moron. Amazing how the worst people can sometimes surprise you:.  
  
.:I never let Mother nor Jim see the note Hope had written me. I hid it carefully under a loose floorboard under my bed, with what had been wrapped in the white package. Inside was her notebook of wild fantasies...stories she had created for me:.  
  
.:On the inside, she had thoughtfully written: "I hereby dedicate this book of wild fantasies to the one whom they were created for, Colvin Donahue Casteel." That made me smile everytime I saw the inscription:.  
  
.:Even though Hope was gone, I felt happier, as if maybe she was somewhere, happy too. I hoped she wasn't worrying over me, for with her gone, I could start my revenge. In the bible, sinners were to be thrown into the fires of hell. I would make sure every day without Hope would be a day of living hell for them:. 


	7. 7: With Hope

.:Chapter 7: With Hope:.  
  
.:Life at school was as awful as it was at home at times. I never fit in with anyone; my clothes were ragged and torn, my hair never perfect enough. I stopped caring about my appearance, stopped caring about everything --All I cared about was my never-ending desire for revenge on the ones who had hurt me most:.  
  
.:Oh, pay they would! They would pay until they were thrown down into the darkest pit of everlasting hell! They would pay, pay, and pay for every rotten, evil thing they had ever done to hurt and humiliate me and Hope! I would see to it! I would die trying if I had to!:.  
  
.:The only thing that brought me happiness was Hope's notebook of fantasies she had created just for me. Wild stories of princes and princesses who had to encounter evil witches and warlocks, dragons, and orges. Her fantasy stories inspired me to write:.  
  
.:I had never done well in school, but after I began to write, I enjoyed it. Writing took me away from my shabby home and into the footsteps of the characters I created. My characters were not like Hope's. They were innocent children who grew up in lives of abuse, deciet, pure evil:.  
  
.:Soon the entire world would wake up, realizing that many children were being abused to this very day. I would see that the whole world learned of the cruel ways some parents were, who would hurt their children in any way possible!:.  
  
.:I kept my stories hidden along with Hope's notebook, determined to find a publisher who would one day help the world discover my books about the tortures some children faced day to day:.  
  
.:I was beat up on at home, but no longer did Jim try to touch me other than in hitting me. He must have had a thing for young boys and girls, for he had stopped touching me since I turned fourteen. Mother was hardly ever home, getting herself drunk and ending up in other men's beds:.  
  
.:Jim became angry at her sleeping with other men and not with him, so one day he took anything of value that was my mother's and left. She was too drunk to care when she returned home, but the moment she was sober, I was the one left to face her fury and wrath!:.  
  
.:"You damn little bastard! Its your fault Jim up and left me!" Mother screamed at me when I returned home from school one day, throwing a lamp towards me. I ducked and heard it hit the wall, shattering into pieces:.  
  
.:"It's your fault, not mine! Why would he leave because of me? I'm not married to him! He left because of you, and it's your fault hope is gone too!" I screamed:.  
  
.:I watched as my mother's face grew unnaturally pale, her eyes glowing as she glared at me with pure, raw, hatred...:.  
  
.:"I HATE YOU! I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU! I WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN!" she screamed:.  
  
.:"You and me both! I wish I was with my father! I know his last name is Casteel and I also know his first name is Luke. One day I am going to go find him and find the family I've always wanted!" I cried:.  
  
.:She cruelly laughed...:.  
  
.:"Have fun. No one wants you. You're pathetic and you'll always be that way," she snarled:.  
  
.:I stalked off towards my room, getting out my tattered notebook and I began to furiously write. One day everyone who had hurt me would hurt ten times more than I did in the end. Their reputations would be put up on display, for I wasn't going to give them fake names when I published my life story. I would make up names for Hope and I, but not them, never them:.  
  
.:Mother soon stopped coming home, and I never told anyone that she wasn't ever home. I had learned long ago how to forge her signature for my school reports. I graduated at the age of eighteen. I wasn't at the top of my class, but I wasn't at the bottom either:.  
  
.:I'd never really had any friends; I usually had kept to myself, not wanting to involve anyone else in all of my troubles. Lots of the students I know would think my life was some horrible nightmare, too vivid and horrible to be reality. But I had learned throughout my life that life wasn't always a pretty picture. To me, life was a dark and depressing storm that seemed to rage on and on...and seemed to never end:.  
  
.:I felt a small stab of loneliness when I walked across the stage, for everything was silent. No family and friends had came to see me graduate; no invitations had been mailed off...I bit down on my feelings, forcing them back down into the darkness where they belonged. What good had self pity ever done for me?:.  
  
.:On the day I graduated, I got what little possessions I owned and put them in a suitcase before I left the house that had held so many horrors for me and my sister Hope. Never again would I have to see the poor little house that was stained with many bad and good memories:.  
  
.:I had Hope's notebook and my own, and I was ready to let the whole world know about the ways some parents turned out to be. I didn't have much money, but I would get a job, and I'd be lucky if I ever turned out all right. But I had hope...:. 


	8. 8: A Deal

.:Chapter 8: A Deal:.  
  
.:I settled into the very heart of Winnerow, when I had before lived in the outskirts of the town. I knew I wouldn't be able to afford any of the beautiful, richer houses on the main street, but found an old, small, quiet house that just needed a new paint job and some nails to make it look liveable:.  
  
.:I spent a few days working on the house, painting it a bright white. Some of the richer neighbors looked down at me with disgust, as if I didn't belong here. I wanted to find my family, on my father's side, but I didn't have enough money to hire a detective:.  
  
.:I discovered that the town was mostly quiet on Sundays, for everyone went to church. I was presuaded to go with them, and I found a faded blue sweater and black slacks to wear:.  
  
.:The church was fancy, and the people who dressed to impress were all seated in the front row. Some people snickered at my worn clothes; others scowled at me. The only available seats were towards the back, where the poorer people in the town lived:.  
  
.:Reverned Wise's surmons were not the god loving sermons I had always thought of when I was a child. I had thought you were supposed to love God, but the way this man preached made God a higher being to be feared at all times and that sinners would burn, burn, burn!:.  
  
.:I was mesmorized by his speech of hell and damnation, even as I trembled a bit when he said sinners got the worst of everything. Did that mean I was evil? I had been molested, beaten, starved, and so had Hope. Did that mean we were both evil, doomed to spend our lives in punishment and torment, then later on in the fires of Hell?:.  
  
.:That man scared me...he did. His wife stood up there with him, stone faced and nodding as he spoke his powerful and overwhelming words:.  
  
.:I got up to go to the bathroom, hoping it wasn't a great sin to leave during such a powerful sermon. As I was walking towards the bathrooms, someone suddenly collided with me:.  
  
.:I looked at the woman who had ran into me. I knew she wasn't poor by her fancy cream colored dress, that had tiny stringlets of pearls over the bodice and hem, and all around. The young woman's face was fresh and pretty, her eyes as dark as black onyx, her raven hair sweeping down to her shoulders. Her lips were full and rose red, her skin made of porcelin:.  
  
.:"I'm sorry," the young woman said, her face turning a bit scarlet from embarrassment:.  
  
.:"I wasn't watching where I was going," she apologized, as my lips found a small smile to wear:.  
  
.:"It's okay...I wasn't watching either, to tell the truth," I said softly, mesmorized by this woman's beauty. Hope had been a beautiful girl --even with her scars and bruises, but this girl was beautiful in a different, fresh way...:.  
  
.:"I'm Darcy Wise," she said, softly laughing before she offered me her hand:.  
  
.:I smiled and took it, raising it to my lips:.  
  
.:"It's nice to meet you, Darcy. I am Colvin Donahue Casteel," I said:.  
  
.:I watched her eyes widen and she stepped back from me:.  
  
.:"Casteel? How come I've never seen you before...?" she asked:.  
  
.:"I wasn't raised with the Casteel family. Why? Is there something wrong with being a Casteel?" I demanded, a bit irritated that she pulled away from me as if I had the plague:.  
  
.:"No....no...it's just..some people might treat you different. Many think the Casteels are the lowest people in the valley," she said:.  
  
.:"Is that what you think?" I asked, as my dark eyes narrowed:.  
  
.:"No. I judge people on their personality, values, and actions, not by Winnerow upper class society," she said:.  
  
.:"Aren't you upper class? The Reverend is your father?" I asked, realizing his last name was "Wise":.  
  
.:"That may be true, but you are judging me by the money my family has, just like the rest of the town. You are being a hypocrite if you are going to judge me for that, just when you was accusing me of the same thing," she said:.  
  
.:"I'm not being a hypocrite, I was just asking. Please...I'm sorry if I said anything wrong," I said:.  
  
.:For a moment she looked at me, as if she wasn't going to accept my apology. Then she smiled:.  
  
.:"All right, Colvin Donahue Casteel. I will accept your apology on one condition," she said:.  
  
.:"And that is?" I questioned, my eyes suspicious even as she held her smile:.  
  
.:"We will have lunch together tomorrow, say about noon? Then I will judge you and see if you are, or are not a hypocrite," she said. I didn't want to appear stubborn and didn't feel like arguing with her, so I nodded:.  
  
.:"You have a deal. Where are we going to meet?" I asked:.  
  
.:"My house is the big white house down the street that is surrounded by flower gardens, the biggest and most grand house, some say. It has Corinthian columns lined up along the long porch, and red brick steps. You can't miss it," she said:.  
  
.:I nodded," Okay...it's a date," I said:.  
  
.:She only smiled and walked back into the booming sermon, even as I wondered about this girl...:. 


	9. 9: The First Outing

.:Chapter 9: The First Outing:.  
  
.:I was nervous when it was almost time for lunch the following day. I felt poor and shabby in my worn clothes, feeling ashamed of having clothes that looked like this. I washed my face several times; I kept imagining there was specks of dirt all over my face, that my hair was greasy:.  
  
.:And when I had washed my face and hair again, I felt silly, for my face was never all that dirty and my hair was not that greasy. I wondered what was wrong with me. I knew it had to do with Darcy Wise. I wanted so much to impress her, even though I knew I could never do that:.  
  
.:I sighed and closed my eyes as I heard Hope's soft voice urging me on:.  
  
.:"It's not what is on the outside that is important, Colvin. What matters is what is inside," I heard her voice say:.  
  
.:Suddenly I felt very silly for wanting to impress a stranger I had met at the chruch. I would simply be me and if she didn't like me, then it was her loss:.  
  
.:Thinking of what Hope would say in a situation always helped me out. It was as if she was really with me:.  
  
.:Darcy's house was even more beautiful in real life, when I had been impressed beyond words before. I tried to be strong, to remind myself that the inside what was what counted, not where you lived, how you dressed, the way you looked:.  
  
.:I took a deep breath, wondering if she wanted me to go knock on the door when suddenly the door opened and she stepped outside:.  
  
.:She was absolutely breathtaking. She wore a soft dress of lilac, and her hair was up into a ponytail. Her eyes were bright and fresh and I almost thought it were a pity she had gotten so dressed up for me:.  
  
.:She smiled a little when she saw me, making me feel a little more calmer than before:.  
  
.:"Good afternoon," she greeted as she approached:.  
  
.:"Good afternoon," I echoed, even as I felt awkward and small:. .:"Ready to go?" she asked and I nodded with a small smile:. .:She looped her arm with mine before we were walking away from her house:. .:"Where are we having lunch?" I asked, thinking we was going to have it at her house:. .:"I hope you don't mind if we go to this little place in town. It serves country food that I like best, that my parents absolutely despise," she said:. .:"No, I don't mind," I softly said:. .:The place she wanted to go was almost as shabby as my house and relief started to wash over me like the roaring sea. If she could go to eat at places like this, maybe she wouldn't look down on me too much...:. .:We were seated at a booth, each of us facing the other. As we ordered, I was glad Darcy had picked a place like this, for I didn't have much money yet and wanted to offer to pay for her meal, like a gentleman would:. .:"Where are you orginally from? Here?" Darcy asked as the waitress left with our order:. .:"Well, I was born in the town right beside Winnerow. Almost on the borderline in fact. I suppose you were born here?" I inquired and she nodded:. .:"Do you have a job?" she blurted, as I felt my cheeks stain with blood:. .:"I just moved here...not yet," I said:. .:"What would you like to do?":. .:"I want to either be a teacher...or a writer. I think a teacher is out of the question though," I replied, as her dark eyes narrowed a little:. .:"Why is that?" she asked:. .:"Darcy...are you blind? Look at me. Look at my shabby, worn-out clothes and compare them to yours. You'd have a heart attack if you saw my house, it is almost as shabby as this place. I don't have the money to go to college.":. .:I watched as her face was tinted pink, then the color was back into her face as determination washed over her features:. .:"What did I tell you about that? Quit acting like I'm better than you are. I may have grown up under better circumstances, but I am the same as you on the inside. Human. Colvin you can go to college. There are scholarships for those who cannot pay for it. Why do you want to be a teacher, a writer?" she asked:. .:"Why do I have to do all the talking? What do YOU want to be?" I teased, raising my eyebrow. It was pure delight to see the way her smile softly curved onto her face, how it shattered into a wonderful laugh:. .:"Fine. Have it your way. I would like to be a therapist or a motivational speaker.":. .:She laughed when I wrinkled my nose in confusion:. .:"Motivational speaker?" I questioned, as her cheeks blushed:. .:"Yeah...someone who visits schools around the country and talks to kids. I've seen poverty in this town and I want to speak to other children about it. Some children are malnourished with shabby clothes, never see a dentist nor a doctor. I want them to know that it's all right to be poor, that there are places that can help. If that doesn't work, I'd like to be a teacher too," she said:. .:I looked at her for a long moment, feeling something as warm as honey glaze over my heart. The way she spoke of poverty amazed me. She was probably rich, though her heart was caring. She spoke the truth, for I had not seen a doctor since my birth, and not a dentist. I cleaned my teeth and they had no cavities yet, so white they looked bleached at times:. .:She told me more about her family, how her father hardly ever wanted her to go out on dates or to see people, as if he thought she would be easily corrupted. She said her mother was usually indifferent about all her father did and that they always seemed to be arguing:. .:I was a bit scared to tell her about my family, yet I did. I told her about the father I hadn't had and the whore of a mother I had, the stepfather I had put up with and then Hope. I only let a little of my poverty be known and didn't tell her what my stepfather had done to Hope and me...:. .:"Colvin, I really enjoyed talkin with you. I would love to read some of your work," Darcy said with a smile, as I felt my heart beating faster and faster...:.  
  
.:"I have an idea..the elementary school is always looking for tutors to help the children out; the school doesn't have as much money as the church," she said, in a voice that suggested she was ashamed that the chruch was doing so well when the school was not...:.  
  
.:"And?" I asked, as her eyes sparkled:.  
  
.:"So maybe one evening we could volunteer...if you would like to, that is. I mean...we both have a desire to be a teacher...even though I'd rather be a speaker, I think it would be a great experience and would look good on resumes also," she said:.  
  
.:"Oh...that sounds nice..." I said, for I had always wanted to work with children..:.  
  
.:"Great. Tomorrow afternoon all right with you?" she asked and I nodded with a smile:.  
  
.:"I'll be there..":. 


	10. 10: Surprised Love

.:Chapter 10: Surprised Love:.  
  
.:I was surprised when I heard a knock on my door the following evening, seeing it was Darcy Wise. She didn't even seem to see what kind of dumpy place I lived in:.  
  
.:"Darcy? How did you...know where I lived....?" I drifted off, a little confused:.  
  
.:"They just put you in the phone book," she said, as my cheeks filled with blood:.  
  
.:"Oh," I said, a little embarrassed, but she only smiled:.  
  
.:"Are you ready?" she asked, and I nodded with a smile. Today she wore a white blouse and a long black skirt. She looked beautiful. I wore a pair of faded khaki pants and a black shirt. We started towards the schoolhouse, where some of the children had stayed after to get help:.  
  
.:The teachers looked happy to have us and assigned Darcy and me to the same room. I went to work with a little boy who was about six and was having a hard time reading. We sat down together and I started to give him pointers on how to sound out the words. Soon he seemed to catch on and smiled proudly as he read a few pages with only a few long pauses:.  
  
.:"I hope that didn't bore you," Darcy said, once we were on our way home:.  
  
.:Quickly I shook my head, "No...I enjoyed it. I mean...it was nice...being able to help...you know?":.  
  
.:She nodded and smiled:.  
  
.:"I try to volunteer whenever I have the time. This fall I will be going to college...I decided to take a year off to please my father," she explained:.  
  
.:"You really should look into some scholarships if you think you can't afford college, Colvin. I think you'd be a great teacher," she said:.  
  
.:Darcy's compliment made me blush furiously and made me glad I had met her. We started to go to the school often to tutor, and as we spent more time with the other, the more we learned. I kept most of my past hidden, not wanting her to see, even as she tried to wade in..:.  
  
.:"Why don't you ever talk about your childhood?" she asked one day, when we were having dinner at my house:.  
  
.:"I never had one," I responded, even as her eyebrows wrinkled in confusion:.  
  
.:"What do you mean...?":.  
  
.:I looked down, not wanting her to treat me differently than she already did. Yet she was so easy to talk to...before I could help myself, I was telling her everything, hardly pausing to even take a breath. She looked stunned and shocked, horrified as I told her my tale:.  
  
.:When I had finished, I looked away. She didn't speak for a moment:.  
  
.:"So that's it," she softly said, and I looked at her, my eyebrow raising in confusion:.  
  
.:"What are you talking about?" I asked:.  
  
.:"That's why you are like that. But...you turned out differently than what most children abused like you turn out...most turn out to be exactly what the abusers were to them. Some who were molested and raped end up raping others..." she drifted off:.  
  
.:"I could never rape anyone. Even though no woman will ever want to be with me....I couldn't rape. Not after what he did to Hope...":.  
  
.:"That's not true, Colvin...why would you think no woman would want to be with you?" she asked, and I stood up with my plate. I didn't answer her question, just went to the sink to fill it with warm water and soap, where I began to wash the dishes, to get my mind off her question:.  
  
.:"Colvin...why do you believe that?" she asked again, coming up behind me:.  
  
.:"They'd be sickened to know what happened to me," I said, looking down as I washed my dish:.  
  
.:"No they wouldn't...." she said, in a soft voice:.  
  
.:I felt her arms slipping around my waist, her hands dropping her dish into the sink. She pressed against me, embracing me from behind:.  
  
.:"You're not worthless Colvin...you are a wonderful man...and any woman would be lucky to have you. You're sweet and kind...thoughtful and helpful...but so secretive...so mysterious," she said:.  
  
.:I turned and looked down into her eyes. For a moment we stood there, her arms around my waist, our dark eyes locked on the other's. Then I slowly tugged her arms away:.  
  
.:"You don't have to feel sorry for me..." I said, then she moved her arms back around my waist again, her gaze not flickering away from me:.  
  
.:"I'm not...." she whispered, as she rose on the tip of her toes to press her mouth against mine. For a moment I didn't know how to react, then my arms tightened around her, pressing her closer to me. She pulled away slightly, looking up at me with a small smile:.  
  
.:"I have wanted to do that for the longest time..." she admitted:.  
  
.:"Your parents won't be happy...they hate the Casteels," I reminded, but she shrugged, as if it were nothing:.  
  
.:"I don't care what they think. I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm nearly out of the house...I'm an adult almost...I'm eighteen....":.  
  
.:Again her mouth fell apon mine, and this time I didn't resist. My hand moved to caress her cheek, my eyes closing softly, savoring the sweetness of her kiss. My heart was pounding inside me, my blood racing through my veins. She took my hands into hers, even as she kept her mouth on mine, leading us out of the kitchen:.  
  
.:Somehow we ended up in my bedroom, and my hands were at her blouse, unbuttoning the buttons as my lips traveled down with each button that was undone. I felt her hands slide under my shirt and helped her pull it over my head. We crawled onto my bed as my hands caressed her shoulders, nudging away her blouse:.  
  
.:She was so beautiful. For a moment I could only stare at her as my hands went to slip her skirt down, unzipping my pants. I knew she was a virgin, I could tell. Because even though her dark eyes were filled with desire, I saw the fear also. I was afraid to. I had never done this and I was afraid I'd mess up, hurt her, something. I took my time kissing her, my lips moving over every part of her, wanting her to feel at ease and special:.  
  
.:Her hands slid down my back and to my hands as our mouths met again and again, then I raised myself over her. Her arms rested on my back, her eyes slowly closing as I slowly pushed up inside her. I felt her body tighten for a moment and she gasped with the shock of it, then her eyes opened and saw they were glazed with tears:.  
  
.:It made my heart stop, thinking I had hurt her. I started to retreat, and she felt me doing so and pressed me back against her:.  
  
.:"No...." she whispered, her lips moving down my cheek:.  
  
.:"I want this...I need to feel you..." she said, and then she moved beneath me:.  
  
.:I gasped with the utter shock and pleasure I felt of being inside her. I had never imagined it would be anything like this. I began to move within her, and soon I heard her gasping softly, then she was softly moaning, her arms pressing me closer to her as her lips searched for mine:.  
  
.:We rocked back and forth, feeling as if ocean waves were crashing against one another. I moaned and held her close to me, as if I was afraid she would vanish at any moment. It was so different than I had imagined. We moved as one, crying out in pleasure, as if we knew exactly how to please the other:.  
  
.:I started to murmur her name, over and over, then I felt our climax building. After we were both spent and were laying side by side, I turned my head to Darcy:.  
  
.:"I'm sorry I was so insistent about this....but I'm glad it happened," she said, smiling as she wrapped her hands around mine, her dark eyes locking with mine:.  
  
.:"You really are different...Colvin. No one has ever treated me the way you treat me. You make me feel...special somehow. I think I love you...but I'm not sure. I've never been in love....":.  
  
.:"Neither have I...." I whispered, bringing her hands to my lips, "but I know I care deeply for you...I may love you.":.  
  
.:Both of us inexperienced lovers, was not sure if we were in love yet. But I knew it would happen, I felt myself growing closer and closer to Darcy, hating it when she wasn't with me, feeling utterly incomplete. We started to spend more time together, learning to become more intimate, learning:. 


	11. 11: Complications

.:Chapter 11: Complications:.  
  
.:I was most surprised when Darcy came over one night, inviting me to have dinner with her and her parents:.  
  
.:"They agreed?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows:.  
  
.:She nodded, smiling a bit:.  
  
.:"I told them to stop being hypocrites after this fight they had about me seeing you and they decided to give you a chance," she said:.  
  
.:"A fight? Darcy...I don't want your parents mad at you for wanting to be with me," I started, but Darcy brought her finger down over my lips, smiling at me:.  
  
.:"Colvin...It's okay," she said, leaning to kiss me softly:.  
  
.:I had told all of my secrets to Darcy and I wondered how much her parents knew about me and I asked her what they knew. Her dark eyes rose to meet mine:.  
  
.:"Only your name, your gorgeous dark eyes," she softly teased with a smile as she batted her eyelashes at me," your silky hair..your charming smile, your sweet personality, and how you love children. Is that too personal?" she asked:.  
  
.:"No," I said, feeling my whole body relax. I let a smile glimmer across my face:.  
  
.:"When is dinner?" I asked, and she replied that it would be in two days. I nodded and told her that I wouldn't miss it for the world. I should have known that Darcy's parents wouldn't accept me so soon. I should have known that no matter what, they would look down upon me. But I wanted so much to trust, to believe. I wanted it so bad..:.  
  
.:I even went out and bought some newer, classier clothes, even though Darcy smiled and shook her head:.  
  
.:"You didn't have to buy new clothes to impress my parents. You look sexy in everything," she teased, though I caught her deeper meaning and was touched by it. I just smiled and we walked to her house:.  
  
.:Darcy opened the door for me and for a moment, I was so nervous I thought I'd pass out. Darcy gently took my hand into hers and pulled me inside:.  
  
.:"It's all right...they are just my parents. My father my be a preacher...but it doesn't mean he is better than you," Darcy insisted:.  
  
.:I nodded and followed her to the dining room, where her parents sat at the large table. A table that I could never afford. Her father looked at me, and I saw the disgust in his eyes already. Always I was unwanted...:.  
  
.:"Mom...Dad...this is Colvin..." Darcy said, and both nodded stiffly, as if a warm nod was too affectionate a greeting for me:.  
  
.:Darcy frowned at her parents reaction and nodded at me to sit and I did so after she did. She smiled at her parents, shimmering with the hope that they would make me feel welcome. But they did not. They sat there and ate quietly. Darcy attempted conversation, telling them how we both went to the school in the evenings to help the children with problems learning:.  
  
.:They would nod slightly, make some small noise, like "Oh" or "Hmmm", but they seemed to think I was some invisible person. I saw Darcy's eyes glitter with anger and suddenly she stood up, jabbing her fork down into the table:.  
  
.:"What is the matter with you two?! Can you not at least treat Colvin like he is a human being? All of your speeches about fairness that you give in chruch and when someone comes over, you treat them like they aren't even there!" she said angrily, glaring at them:.  
  
.:Her father stood up, his eyes glazed with coldness as he stared at me:.  
  
.:"What you are doing is sinful! You and him are not to be together!" he hissed:.  
  
.:"How dare you tell me who I can and can't be with! It's not sinful, you are such a hypocrite! I can't believe you!" Darcy cried:.  
  
.:"Young lady, this man has tempted you...I can see it. I hear it from the way you speak to me. I will not tolerate your behavior," he said:.  
  
.:Darcy's eyes glittered furiously:.  
  
.:"As I will not tolerate yours! GO TO HELL! I'm so sick and tired of you and your bullshit. You act so compassionate in church, when money is involved, and so cold and uncaring when someone comes here to meet you! I hate you!" Darcy cried, coming over and taking my hand into hers, nearly yanking me to my feet:.  
  
.:"How dare you speak to me like that! I am your father! The bible says to honor your mother and father, not some filthy Casteel who wouldn't know the difference between you and a hole in the wall!" her father shouted:.  
  
.:Darcy looked a bit hurt at his words, but hid her hurt with anger. She seemed to be at a loss for words, so she only shoved the expensive plates to the floor, watching them shatter, as if she wished her father was the plates:.  
  
.:She pulled me out of the dining room and out of the house:.  
  
.:"Can I stay with you?" she whispered, pressing herself against me:.  
  
.:I nodded as I walked back home with her. I should have known better. I would always be looked down upon. My eyes filled with tears, angry and bitter. I hated being unwanted. Would I be the Unwanted Casteel forever?:.  
  
.:"Forget what they said...pay it no mind, Colvin. I don't care if you are rich. I don't care if you're not a genius, you are in my eyes. I don't care if you aren't good looking, even though you are...you take my breath away. They are hypocrites," she said:.  
  
.:As soon as we walked into my house, Darcy began to cry, breaking down. I was alarmed and concerned:.  
  
.:"I have never felt such unknown anger...or hate towards anyone," Darcy whispered, "Does that mean I am bad...evil?":.  
  
.:Her voice cracked, she sounded small. Her father had struck some sensitive nerve inside her. Quickly I wrapped her into my arms:.  
  
.:"Of course you're not bad, or evil. You are human, Darcy...sometimes we all get carried away with emotions we've never felt," I said, hoping to convince her:.  
  
.:She nodded, burying her face into my neck, then she asked if we could go to sleep now. I nodded, she was probably exhausted from moments ago. I carried her into my room, laid her down on my bed as I got in beside her:.  
  
.:I held her as she cried, letting out her anger in form of tears. Nothing I said made her crying fade or stop, so I was simply there, her lifesavor, bobbing in her sea of emotions until she was so worn out that she grasped me. And I would be there when she was ready for me:.


	12. 12: Unbearable

.:Chapter 12: Unbearable:.

.:"What has your parents said about me since...that one night?" I asked Darcy a few nights after the horrible incident that happened during dinner. Darcy looked up at me, her eyes dull:.  
  
.:"Nothing, really. I haven't spoken to them. I pretend that they don't even exist," she said:.  
  
.:I felt my eyes darken. I felt terrible. It was my fault...all my fault that Darcy was no longer getting along with her parents:.  
  
.:"No....it isn't your fault," Darcy said, seeing through my emotions. I felt her fingertips brush my cheek and I shivered from the touch. I wasn't disgusted by her, no. Just feeling her skin on mine just made electricity crackle throughout my body. She smiled at me and wove her arms around my neck, her lips pressing against mine:.  
  
.:I held her tightly to me, as if afraid that she would drift far away once I let go. I felt her tongue pressing against my lips, wanting inside, and my lips parted so her tongue could find mine. I pressed her closer to me, my eyelids softly closing. My lips kept kissing hers, then they moved down into the softness of her neck. I bit down into her neck gently and she softly gasped, holding me closer against her:.  
  
.:My lips wandered back up her cheek and into her hair, then against her forehead. I rested my forehead against hers and was content in just holding her. We stayed like that for a long moment, then Darcy looked up at me and said she needed to get home. I nodded and released her relunctantly. She smiled and kissed me softly, bide me goodnight, and walked out of the house. I still felt guilty for causing the rift between Darcy and her parents. But how could I mend it?:.  
  
.:I did not hear from Darcy the next day, not until that night. I grew worried during the day, for she usually came over to have lunch with me, something; I had a small job at the pharmacy, nothing much, just placing things on shelves. I even went over to her house, but her father coldy replied that Darcy was not home and he warned me to leave her alone. So when the phone rang that night, I answered it automatically on the first ring, sensing something was wrong:.  
  
.:"Hello?" I asked:.  
  
.:"Colvin!":.  
  
.:"Darcy! Where...where are you?" I asked:.  
  
.:"I'm...at the pharmacy...I ran all the way here". Something in me froze:.  
  
.:"Ran?" I questioned, not understanding:.  
  
.:"Can you come pick me up? I'm tired..." I found myself nodding:.  
  
.:"Of course I will...of course. I'll be right there," I said, hanging up the phone before I heard her reply. I slipped into my jacket and shoes, then went out to my old car and drove to the pharmacy. There she was, outside, near the pay phone, looking around anxiously, as if frightened:.  
  
.:"Colvin," she said, running to me, pressing herself against me. I felt her trembling, then realized she was crying!:.  
  
.:"Darcy...Darcy..." I softly said, leading her into my car. She felt so cold. I slipped my jacket off my shoulders and wrapped it around hers before I started back home. I had to help Darcy inside, she was so upset. I had her on the living room couch and made her a cup of hot chocolate. I sat down beside her as her hot tears dribbled down her cheeks:.  
  
.:"Darcy?" My hand slowly drifted up her cheek and her hand went to capture it, hold it there, her eyes closing, black eyelashes fluttering. They sparkled with tears as she opened her raven eyes to lock with mine:.  
  
.:"Thank you," she softly said:.  
  
.:"Darcy...what happened? You can tell me...anything," I softly said:.  
  
.:Quietly she sat up, leaning back against the couch, her eyes not once wavering away from mine. She slowly sipped the steaming mug before her, then took a deep breath:.  
  
.:"Last night...when I arrived home, I had no idea my parents had plans for me. When morning came, Dad asked me to help him out with the church, so of course I did. I wanted to see you at lunch, but my father was like a hawk. Everytime I mentioned your name, he glared at me and told me I needed to stop seeing trash like you. He soon got tired of hearing about you and told me he already had plans for me. I had no idea what he meant. So when we got back home, there was a man in the living room. He was handsome, with rich brown hair and light hazel eyes. Dad told me that he had agreed for me to have dinner with this man. I couldn't believe him! The man's name was Daniel Haselyn and had his arm latched on mine before I could say or do anything. So he took me to dinner, one of the fanciest places in town. I was miserable, and he noticed. He drove me up a path in the woods and started to kiss my neck, his hands started fondling me. I tried to tear away and he hit me. Hit me hard," she whispered, tears gliding silently down her cheeks:.  
  
.:"He told me to shut up and said he was my salvation. I told him he was crazy and tried to push him off, but he pushed me down and started to pull down my skirt. Luckily I had enough strength left to kick upwards and he groaned as I was able to escape. He ran after me in the woods, but I got to the pharmacy and called you. He saw me on the phone and went ghastly white, as if he thought I was calling my father...I can't believe my parents did this!" Darcy sobbed:.  
  
.:Anger filled me and I wanted to go smash in that Daniel Haselyn's face, her father's too. I pulled her into my arms and she buried her sobbing face into my chest. Then she looked up at me, tears making her face glitter. My hand brushed her tears away and she softly smiled:.  
  
.:"Do you know why I couldn't imagine myself being with him? I love you," she said:.  
  
.:Darcy had never told me she loved me and I was stunned for a moment. I smiled and kissed her:.  
  
.:" I love you too...oh god...Darcy...thank you for loving me," I whispered, raining kisses down over her face, her neck. She softly gasped and started responding:.  
  
.:"You don't have to thank me...I should be thanking you," she softly said. Before I knew it, I had her in my arms, on my bed. We made love slowly and beautifully, as if proving our love. I had never felt more complete before. I knew that I could not lose Darcy. If I lost her...I would lose myself, my identity:.  
  
.:Darcy decided to stay the night. Daniel must have called Darcy's father, because early in the morning, there were loud bangs on my door. I got up and quickly dressed, hoping whoever it was would not wake Darcy. I went to the door and came face to face with Reverned Wise. He glared at me with disgust, as if he wished I would vanish into thin air forever:.  
  
.:"Tell Darcy to come home. I have to speak with her," he said through gritted teeth. I only nodded and watched as he left. I went to wake Darcy, who looked more mad than anything:.  
  
.:"I'll go when I'm damn well ready," she muttered, drifting back into sleep, pulling me down beside her. Around noon, after we had lunch, Darcy left for home. She kissed my hand, promising to be back whenever she could. And she wasn't going to let anything her father did stop her:.  
  
.:Darcy did not come for a long time, not until later that evening. When she arrived, her dark eyes were glittering to the rim with tears, her whole body trembling. I wondered what was wrong now. I went to take her into my arms and she broke down, sobbing. I helped her inside, on the couch, waiting for her to calm and tell me what was wrong:.  
  
.:"My father was right...he's always right. We wasn't to be together," she said softly, scaring me:.  
  
.:"What?" I asked, in disbelief:.  
  
.:"It's best if we don't see each other anymore, Colvin. We come from different worlds. It would never work," she muttered, standing to leave, but my emotions and heart were tired of this, tired of being tricked. My arms locked around her:.  
  
.:"COLVIN, let me go!" she cried:.  
  
.:"No! What's gotten into you? Your father was not right! How can you believe him?! We may come from different backgrounds, Darcy Wise, but we are from the same world, the one of pain and loneliness. You're lying! You love me...please say you still love me!" I cried, desperate:.  
  
.:"Colvin...please," Darcy begged, tears cascading down her face:.  
  
.:"Why are you lying to yourself? You love me...I love you. Don't quit on me, Darcy...don't let him get to you...we were meant to be..." I said, pressing her against me. She shook her head, sobbing harder:.  
  
.:"No...we're not...Colvin. Now let me go!":.  
  
.:"NO! Not until you tell me what made you change your mind!" I protested, holding her tight. Her dark eyes widened when she realized I wasn't going to let go. I pressed her against the wall and she screamed:.  
  
.:"Darcy...no...you know, I wouldn't..." I said, loosening my grip. Oh god...had she thought I was about to rape her?...:.  
  
.:"I...I-I got to go," she whispered:.  
  
.:I dropped my arms and took a step back. I was fighting against the tears I felt in my eyes. No...don't leave me...Darcy...I didn't realize I was trembling until I looked down at my hand. Darcy stood there, staring at my hand too, then looked up at my face. I loved her so much...and she was leaving me. And she was letting her father convince her that I wasn't good enough for her! I saw pain and torment in her eyes, felt the first hot tear that escaped my eye and slithered slowly down my face. My heart was breaking, dissolving slowly:.  
  
.:"Oh Colvin," she said softly, her hands reaching for mine. I was so afraid this was the last time we would ever touch. I leaned down, kissed her lips again and again, hoping she would remember our love...she pulled back, as if burned:.  
  
.:"I have to tell you why..." she softly said. I shook my head:.  
  
.:"Darcy...no...why? I love you...I swear I do. I would do anything for you...":.  
  
.:She looked down, biting her lower lip. Her eyes slowly closed:.  
  
.:"I know...I know...but...it's not my choice," she softly said:.  
  
.:"Dammit, Darcy! How long are you going to let your father control your life?!" I cried out, as her eyes opened and locked with mine:.  
  
.:"I'm not letting him control my life. Maybe he is in a way...or maybe it is fate. But we can't be together...":.  
  
.:"Why? I...I'm not good enough?":.  
  
.:She sighed, slowly shook her head, then took my hands into mine, looked up into my eyes:.  
  
.:"No, Colvin. You're my uncle.":. 


	13. 13: Consequences

.:Chapter 13: Consequences:.

.:"W-What?" I whispered, my eyes wide at her last statement. I shook my head:.  
  
.:"No...":.  
  
.:Darcy bowed her head and started sobbing. I felt like my heart had been cruelly ripped out, an aching hole in its place:.  
  
.:"My father knew...he told me tonight...that my mother is a Casteel. They took in Fanny Casteel, one of your father's older children. And my father got her pregnant with me. My mother sold me to my father and Roslyn, as if I were really theirs," she whispered:.  
  
.:Rage filled my veins, making me want to scream! To hit something! I glared at the air before me, my hands clenching tightly. Damn her father! Damn fate! Damn everyone!:.  
  
.:"Why didn't your darling father just come out and say it?!" I cried, angry. He had known and he hadn't told us! Darcy looked at me, tears dripping down her cheeks. She looked like a wounded angel. Her wings were torn, her eyes no longer full of the innocence that had once filled those dark depths:.  
  
.:"He didn't want me to know of his sins. And they are now mine. Because of my father, we will both go to Hell," she said quietly as my eyes blazed with hot ember flames!:.  
  
.:"I don't fucking care anymore! I've tried so hard to follow the rules of God, and dammit I have! What have I gotten in return? Neglectful, abusive parents? A stepfather to molest me and rape my mother's sister? A love that is tainted? Take me to hell! I don't care where I go anymore! If your father bribes his way to Heaven, I'd gladly go the other direction without a second thought!":.  
  
.:I started towards the door, feeling Darcy's hand on my arm:.  
  
.:"Colvin, where are you going?" she asked:.  
  
.:"OUT!" I huffed, brushing past her, into the cold chill of the night. I didn't feel the cold. I was too hot, too mad to even notice the cold. I walked, kicking at anything in my path, anything that wasn't breathing. I came to a deserted building made of brick and I felt fury overtake me. I screamed in rage as I beat my fists against the hard brick, not caring if my hands were bruised and bloody. I wanted to die! I wanted to fall in a ditch and never wake up! I started to sob uncontrollably, beating at the brick wall as if it resembled Fate:.  
  
.:I felt the warm blood trickling from small cuts on my hands but I didn't stop. They ached from the pressure of slamming against the hard brick, but I couldn't stop. I swore loudly, screamed, sobbed. I felt my renewed energy diminishing until I pressed my forehead against the building, sobbing:.  
  
.:All the energy left my body and I fell to the ground, my eyes catching the twinkling sight of stars. Stars had always fascinated me, filled me with hope, dreams. But those hopes and dreams were now shattered, fragments of broken promises, lies, and deciet scattered all around. Sneering faces laughing at the two lovers who weren't to be. I closed my eyes. I thought I was dead, and wished to God I was. I didn't want to wake up again. I didn't want to live without Darcy in my life, loving me as the young love. I had no one now. As always. I was alone again:.  
  
.:"Colvin? COLVIN?!" a voice cried:.  
  
.:Darcy...had she died too? Was she joining me to go to Hell, Heaven, wherever? My hand stretched out, wanting to grasp her. Who cared who was related to who when you was dead? Who cared about the truth when you entered the spirit world?:.  
  
.:Why couldn't I see her?! I started sobbing again, was I blind? Was this my punishment for loving Darcy? For still wanting to be with her? Was I evil and sinful like her father told me I was?:.  
  
.:"Colvin...oh God, no!" Darcy screamed, and I felt her body leaning over mine. I felt hot liquid trickling down my chest. My eyes struggled to open, but it felt as if cement had coated over my eyes. Finally my eyes popped open to find a head of dark curls sobbing uncontrollably over me:.  
  
.:"Darc..." I breathed, as her face turned to mine, her eyes fearful and scared. She sobbed again when she saw my eyes was open and she pulled me into her arms, holding me tight. I felt like a small boy again, pressing against her, my face snuggled down to her stomach. I felt her hands in my dark hair and looked up at her tear-streaked, pale face:.  
  
.:"God...I thought I'd lost you," she whispered fearfully. I winced at the irony. We had lost each other. Lost each other to deciet and lies. To cruel Fate that sneered it's ugly smirk at all the lovers destined to be seperated forever. Romeo and Juliet. Colvin and Darcy. I felt a shiver run through my spine; the cold air had gotten to me:.  
  
.:Silently we stood, walking back to my house. When we returned, the light showed Darcy my bruised, swollen, bleeding hands. She gasped and pulled me into my bathroom, washing my hands gently. She wrapped them in bandages and the affectionate caring she was displaying made me burst into another shower of tears:.  
  
.:"Oh, Colvin," Darcy whispered, holding me against her. We stayed like that for the longest moment, then she looked up at me, a sadness glinting in her dark eyes:.  
  
.:"I-I have to go...home," she said, pulling away. I stood and followed her, my mood going sullen and angry:.  
  
.:"You call that hell house home? How can you go back after knowing the truth? That you're darling father sinned and you are the result of it! That he lied to you! We are alike Darcy, in more than one way. We were both born unwanted, in different ways. Your mother didn't want you, neither did I. No wonder we are in love," I said:.  
  
.:"We can't be in love, Colvin! We're related, it's wrong!" Darcy cried:.  
  
.:"Then you lied to me when you told me that you loved me?!" I rasped, my dark eyes narrowing darkly:.  
  
.:"I-I have to go," she stuttered, looking as if she would shatter into a million pieces if she stayed any longer. Because I loved her, I let her go. I watched her run to her car, watching as it drove down the road and disappeared:.  
  
.:Darcy did not come to see me, nor did she call the next day. I felt like someone had stabbed me deeply in the heart and I wished I would die so I would no longer feel the pain of knowing Darcy and I could never be together. She didn't call me for the rest of the weak. My heart vanished and I became a walking zombie. Smiles were hardly seen on my face any longer, laughter was forbidden. I silently worked and stayed at home, not wanting to go out and enjoy myself, wanting to be alone. I didn't want to be alone, but the only person who filled my life with sunshine had been taken from me. And damn it, I wanted her back!:.  
  
.:I hoped my heart would get over Darcy, but it didn't. The ache of loneliness and want deepened with every hour that she didn't come. Part of me was itching to go to her house, not caring what her father said to me. It was all his fault anyway. Bringing Darcy up, her wrapped in a cocoon of lies, just because he was ashamed of his actions:.  
  
.:I came home from work one day to find Darcy sitting on the porch steps, hunched over, her eyes shut tightly. My eyes narrowed with confusion as I walked over to her. The sound of my approaching footsteps woke her and she looked up at me, her eyes glittering with tears:.  
  
.:We didn't speak, only stared at each other with hungry wanting. My hand itched to touch her, my mouth burned in agony, knowing I would never taste her lips again. She bowed her head for a moment, as if guilty, then looked back up at me:.  
  
.:"I have to tell you something," she said softly:.  
  
.:"What now? Are we brother and sister now too?" I shot out sarcastically, regretting my words when I saw her wince. She stood up, glaring at me:.  
  
.:"Stop blaming me! It isn't my fault we're related!" she hissed:.  
  
.:"I know...Darcy...I'm sorry," I whispered, ashamed of my actions. She worriedly bit her lower lip and looked down at the ground for a moment, as if recollecting her thoughts. She looked back up at me, her dark eyes locking with mine:.  
  
.:"Colvin...we weren't careful," she started slowly, biting her lip again. I feared blood would soon seep out if she kept biting it like that:.  
  
.:"I know it isn't your fault...I mean, I wanted what you wanted. I wanted you, I didn't think of the consequences...":.  
  
.:I sucked in my breath quickly. Oh, oh, she was ashamed of our love! Our tainted love! Her father had made her feel evil and ashamed, dirty like my whoring mother! I shook my head frantically:.  
  
.:"No...Darcy, don't be ashamed of our love...we didn't know. It wasn't ugly...it wasn't! No one told us...our love was beautiful...our bodies and souls came alive. It can't be evil...don't think it was your fault!" I cried. She shook her head, her eyes not moving from mine:.  
  
.:"That's not it, Colvin. Not at all. That isn't the consquences I was talking about," she said, making me even more confused. What could she be talking about if not guilt from our love?:.  
  
.:"Colvin...I'm pregnant:. 


	14. 14: Like Father Like Daughter

.:Chapter 14: Like Father, Like Daughter:.

.:I couldn't believe the words that flowed from Darcy's lips. I stood there, stunned. I shook my head slowly, as if in disbelief. She sighed as she bit her lower lip, looking down at the ground:.  
  
.:"Y-you're pregnant?" I asked again, dazed. She looked up at me and nodded, her eyes locking with mine. Her eyes were glazed with unused tears and I stepped towards her:.  
  
.:"I don't know what to do," she whispered, looking ashamed:.  
  
.:"My father will hate me when he finds out," she whispered. I shook my head as my arms slipped around her trembling form:.  
  
.:"I have an idea, Darcy. Your father won't like it though..." I spoke, as she looked up at me with hope shining in her eyes:.  
  
.:"What?" she whispered. I gulped as my hands went to entwine with hers:.  
  
.:"I'll marry you.":.  
  
.:Darcy's mouth dropped open as she stared at me like I was crazy:.  
  
.:"You'll marry me? What good will that do? My father won't like that either!" she cried, as I pulled her to me, my dark eyes locking with hers:.  
  
.:"I know how it felt to grow up without a father, Darcy. I want to support you...and our baby. Please...Darcy. Your father has done worse than we have, why do we have to suffer for his sins?" I asked. Darcy looked at me for a moment, then she nodded:.  
  
.:"I guess you're right...Colvin. But you don't have to marry me. You should be able to find someone that you can love purely...and wholly," she said. I just smiled at her:.  
  
.:"I already have, Darcy. I don't think bad thoughts about you. Our love is good, beautiful and pure. And I want to be there for you and the baby. Our baby. Darcy...it must be a sign from God. He wants us to be together, I think," I said:.  
  
.:"And if he doesn't?" Darcy asked in a whisper. I shrugged:.  
  
.:"I don't care. I love you. I know we haven't been together for years or anything...but I love you," I whispered, unable to stop my lips from crashing down against hers. I started to pull away, but Darcy's arms pulled me closer to her and she softly moaned. Darcy no longer cared about who we were. We just wanted to be happy, like everyone else:.  
  
.:We went inside and she told me she would forget that we were related. After all, didn't royalty in England marry only their brothers, sisters, cousins? Finally a dazzling smile broke out on Darcy's face and I knew that she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with:.  
  
.:That night Darcy and I stayed together, not really sleeping in my bed, but weaving dreams and hopes around in the air. I would get a better job and she would get one until she was late in her pregnancy. We finally fell asleep sometime during the night, planning to secretly elope, then tell Darcy's father:.  
  
.:Darcy was more nervous than I was about our eloping. She wore a beautiful white dress made of silk. White was beautiful on her; it contrasted with her dark eyes and hair. She put her hair up, leaving a few raven curls to splatter over her collarbone elegantly:.  
  
.:I dressed in the best clothes I had and we drove to the next county to get married. Darcy was biting her nails, looking both anxious and worried. The ceremony didn't last long, but we were both still nervous after we had said our vows and kissed:.  
  
.:I noticed Darcy was shaking when we stopped at her Father's house. I turned to her and held her for a long moment, stroking her hair:.  
  
.:"It's okay...it will be okay," I whispered to her, kissing her cheeks. She nodded as I got out of the car and went to open her door. We walked up to her front door and knocked. A moment later, Reverend Wise opened the door, glaring out at us:.  
  
.:"Why did you bring him? Haven't you listened to anything I've said?!" he growled, as Darcy's face hardened:.  
  
.:"I love him, Daddy. And you can't keep us apart any longer," she said, as his eyes dangerously glittered like diamonds:.  
  
.:"I can't, can I?" he said with a smirk. Darcy glared at him and held her hand up so he could see the wedding ring. He gasped and stepped back, shaking his head slowly:.  
  
.:"No...no. Darcy...you are a sinner!" he hissed. Darcy shrugged, as if the news was nothing new:.  
  
.:"What do you expect? Like father...like daughter," she harshly said:. 


	15. 15: They Bought It?

.:Chapter 15: They Bought It?:.  
  
.:Reverend Wise's eyes widened at her last outburst, looking a bit shocked. He glared at me, as if I had corrupted her somehow:.  
  
.:"Stop glaring at him, Daddy. I won't stand for it. We deserve to be happy too, dammit!" she ground out, glaring at him. He looked at her for a moment, then captured her small hands into his:.  
  
.:"You want to be happy, Darcy? Then stop whatever you are doing with HIM," he said, narrowing his eyes at me:.  
  
.:"He corrupts you and makes you sin. If you want to be happy, trust in the Lord," he finished. Darcy looked at him a moment and shook her head, pulling her hands away:.  
  
.:"The Lord would want me to be happy," she said softly, her eyes defiant against his. He sighed:.  
  
.:"You are making a huge mistake, Darcy," he said, going back inside. He paused at the doorway:.  
  
.:"Not only you two will go straight to hell, but so will your bastard child." Darcy's eyes widened, for we hadn't told him about the child! He grinned at us:.  
  
.:"I'm not stupid. Your mother found the test results in the trash...and you've just married to hide your deceit...I can't believe you are going through with this. I would have let you have an abortion, Darcy, and you wouldn't have had to marry him...":.  
  
.:I love him, Daddy. That's why I married him. He wants to support me and OUR baby and our baby is not a bastard. It will grow up with two parents, REAL parents. I can't believe you are a man of God and you would kill an innocent child. It looks like I've been blind all these years. If we're going to hell...see you there," Darcy spat, taking my hand and pulling me away from her house:.  
  
.:"I'll go back for my things Sunday, when they are both at church," Darcy whispered as we went to my car. She looked hurt and devastated at learning who her father really was. She looked like a small chid who'd been lied to again and again. I'd never lie to her, I told myself. We'll never keep things from one another...:.  
  
.:Two months after our marriage, Darcy and I had moved further away from her parent's house, not wanting them to find us as easily. They could come to us any time they wanted, however, for no one would protect us or our whereabouts. We went to church, but stayed in the last pew with the poorest families. Darcy was working as a waitress at a local café and I did jobs for the wealthier people in town, the ones who didn't like to get their hands dirty:.  
  
.:One night we were in the living room, sitting on the old couch I'd bought, with her on my lap, holding each other when she decided to let out her feelings:.  
  
.:"How are we going to do this?" she whispered, looking a little afraid. She wasn't showing yet, only a slight bulge gave a clue that she was pregnant:.  
  
.:"We'll make due" I said, rocking her in my arms, letting her head rest on my shoulders:.  
  
.:"I'll do whatever it takes," I said, sighing:.  
  
.:"I want to find my mother," Darcy said, her eyes raising to mine. I took her hand and kissed it gently:.  
  
.:"Who would know where she lives?" I asked, as we exchanged knowing glances:.  
  
.:"I know how to get them to tell...call them Colvin, and change your voice, ask for Fanny Casteel, tell them you know they used to be her guardians and it is important that you know where she is," Darcy said:.  
  
.:"Do you think that will work?" I asked as she shrugged:.  
  
.:"I don't know...but I need to see her. I don't know, I don't want to go through my life without knowing my real mother," she said and I nodded. What else could I do? I did it:.  
  
.:"They really bought it?" Darcy asked, her eyes happy after I'd obtained the information she craved. I nodded as I whispered the name of the street into her ears. She beamed at me:.  
  
.:"Can we go drop by tomorrow, after work?" she asked, as my lips moved up to capture hers in a soft kiss:.  
  
.:"Anything you want," I said. I was suddenly nervous, for her mother was my sister...how would we explain that? And to our child...that Fanny Casteel was both its grandmother and aunt? Why did things have to be so confusing?:. 


	16. 16: Mother and Aunt

.:Chapter 16: Mother and Aunt:.  
  
.:Darcy looked extremely nervous the evening we drove down the road that led to her mother's house. We were both dressed in out best; me in a dark blue suit that was a bit worn, but Darcy argued I looked wonderful in it anyway, and Darcy in a lovely black dress:.  
  
.:We were both hesitant when the time came to knock on the door of her mother's house. Despite her mother's upbringing, it seemed she had quite enough money. Her house was not small, nor poor looking like ours was. I hoped she would not turn us out, for it would break Darcy's heart:.  
  
.:The door open and there stood a boy with dark hair and dark blue eyes. He looked a lot like I did, yet he looked different at the same time. The boy looked about twelve or thirteen, innocent:.  
  
.:"Can I help you?" he asked politely, as his eyes lingered on Darcy and me:.  
  
.:"You look like my Mom...and you look like my grandfather...well what he used to look like," the boy said, his cheeks reddening a little:.  
  
.:"Luke, whose there?" a twangy female voice called and both Darcy and I gasped as an older version of Darcy appeared by the door. For a moment the woman and Darcy stared at one another:.  
  
.:"Holy Jesus on the cross," Fanny gasped, looking to me, gasping again:.  
  
.:"Are you...Fanny Casteel?" Darcy asked. Fanny nodded as she looked at the both of us in wonder:.  
  
.:"I don't mean to bother you...but my name is Darcy Wise. Your daughter," Darcy said, her eyes locking with Fanny's. Fanny's mouth dropped open as she swung the door open and swept Darcy up into her arms:.  
  
.:"Oh Darcy, Darcy! Please don't be mad at me! I wanted to git ya, I did, I wanted ya, but they was going to kick us both out with no money, no nothing...would have been a whole scandal and everyone would be glaring at ya," Fanny gushed, tears gushing down her cheeks as the boy stared in amazement:.  
  
.:Fanny looked at me curiously:.  
  
.:"An who is that? He looks like ma Pa!" Fanny declared and I swallowed hard. I looked like Luke Casteel?":.  
  
.:"Hello, Ms. Casteel. I am Colvin Casteel...Darcy's husband...and your brother," I softly said. Fanny looked stunned again, but was easily convinced since I looked so much like her father:.  
  
.:"Oh my heavens...this is Luke...my son...come in...come in..." she said, looking like she'd seen a ghost. We followed her inside where the discussion began. I told her my history, making sure Luke was out of the room when I told her about the things my mother and stepfather did to Hope and I, then Darcy talked about her father and what he'd said, then how we'd learned the truth about ourselves:.  
  
.:"And Mom...I'm pregnant too. We both have jobs though..." Darcy said. Fanny's eyes narrowed:.  
  
.:"Where ya living at?" she demanded and we told her. She shook her head angrily:.  
  
.:"Damn Waynsie and his stuck up wife! He shoulda been more supportive, Darcy. He thinks he never sins, like it was all my fault! Your not gonna live in that house no more, your gonna live with me until I git ya another house," Fanny said. We both protested that she didn't have to, but Fanny shook her head, decided:.  
  
.:"I been looking for ya too long, Darcy. An I want my grandchild to have t' best! I have a sister named Heaven, well not really my blood sista, but she will help me...she's gotta help me!" Fanny cried, then she smiled a bit:.  
  
.:"I got some money, more than I need, but I need her to help me cuz she's loaded, really loaded! But she'll do it, I know she will when she sees ya, Colvin. She loved Luke, she did, an he always seemed to hate her. She'll wanna help you because that's how Heaven is," Fanny said, nodding in agreement with herself:.  
  
.:"Damn you two, you shoulda found me earlier so I coulda came to the wedding," Fanny said, looking a bit disappointed. Then she shrugged:.  
  
.:"Don't matter...ya giving me a grand baby so that will do! How long are ya, Darcy?" Fanny asked as she looked at Darcy:.  
  
.:"Only two months...not really noticeable yet," Darcy said:.  
  
.:Fanny had the biggest smile on her face, as if she were the luckiest girl in the world. She was outraged when she learned we hadn't had enough money to see a doctor yet and ordered Darcy into her car so she could get her only the best doctor, leaving me with Luke. I was stunned and amazed at how Fanny was already taking action. She was the only sister I had, the only one I knew about yet anyway. She mentioned Heaven was not really her sister and she had a little sister named Jane but she hardly ever contacted her, and three brothers, Drake, who was living with Heaven, Tom, who had died a while ago, and Keith, who was with Jane:.  
  
.:All the family history confused me, but I was happy where I was. Finally, I had a family:. 


	17. 17: What's Inside

.:Chapter 17: What's Inside:.  
  
.:Both Darcy and I were shocked at Fanny's conclusions. We couldn't believe that her real mother, that had not seen her for years (or at least we hadn't known if she'd seen Darcy or not) was going to let us live with her, help us afford our own house, pay our doctor bills and everything! She was going to do all of that when Darcy's father would not even contribute a penny. Fanny should be the priest, not Reverend Wise, I thought to myself and I even blurted it out loud to Fanny without meaning to one evening:.  
  
.:She laughed and laughed and then looked at me as her dark eyes sparkled like onyx:.  
  
.:"If I were duh Reverend, the Casteels would all be rich an' all those rich folks would know t' meaning or suffering," Fanny said proudly as Darcy and I exchanged smiles with one another:.  
  
.:Many people in town said Fanny Casteel was no good, a rotten apple, but in our eyes she was a heaven from angel. Sure, she'd slept with her sister's husband Logan Stonewall and produced Luke, but Fanny confided in us that Heaven really wasn't her blood sister. Still Luke was not to be blamed for the sins of his parents. He reminded me so much of myself at his age, only he was not starving and weak like I had been at his age, his cheeks colored healthily while mine had been a ghastly white from hunger and from being frightened all the time:.  
  
.:He was shy like I had been and we got along well. He said his mom wanted him to grow up to be a doctor and he said he would do that but his true desire was writing and letting his imagination soar. I told him some of my stories and after a while he looked at me with a glint in his eyes:.  
  
.:"Uncle Colvin...you need to write a book," he said:.  
  
.:For Luke, I did. I wrote a book full of fantasy and adventures, that turned out to only be a dream for the boy in the story who thought he was actually living these adventures. And in the end the boy discovered that his dreams came true when he discovered he could live his fantasies by painting them, finding he had a real talent for art. I read the story to Luke, Darcy, and Fanny. All three of them enjoyed it and it was wonderful to see Darcy looking at me with so much pride:.  
  
.:I decided to name the book What's Inside, since the dreams and fantasies are what the main character in the story desires. I sent the story off but there was no response for weeks. I grew depressed, thinking my work stunk. I was a doomed writer. And there was no way I could be a teacher when I was a father. I would not desert my baby for anything:.  
  
.:Then one night, as we were eating dinner, the phone rang. Fanny swore as she stabbed her fork harshly into her steak, rising and stalking towards the phone, muttering something about "tele- market-ters". Then she nearly dropped the phone, letting out a huge squeal that made us all go see what was wrong with her! She threw her arms around me and then handed me the phone:.  
  
.:Yer the first Casteel writer, Colvin," Fanny said with a grin. A gasp left my lips as I took the call and after I had hung up I picked Darcy up and swung her around as she laughed, pleading with me to release her. I smiled at Luke and went to ruffle his hair affectionately:.  
  
.:"When I have to tell me what inspired me to write that...you know whose name I am going to say," I said. Luke nodded as he cheeks went a little pink and Darcy and Fanny both laughed:.

A/N: Sorry for the shortness


	18. 18: Won't Have To Hope

.:Chapter 18: Won't Have To Hope:.  
  
.:"Colvin! COLVIN!" Darcy cried one night, months later, as she shook me awake. I sat up in bed, yawning a bit as I looked at her sleepily:.  
  
.:"What?" I groaned grumpily as she gripped my hand, looking at me:.  
  
.:"It's time," she gasped. My eyes popped open as I sprung up out of bed and went to dress. Darcy got up and dressed in the most simplest garments she had and then I got her suitcase as she yelled for Fanny. Fanny came rushing up to help Darcy. She put one arm around her waist and I went to help Darcy downstairs with Fanny's help:.  
  
.:We all piled up into the car; I sat in the back holding Darcy's hand as she gasped and groaned in pain. I felt so utterly useless and I winced every time she cried out in pain, as if she was being punished:.  
  
.:By some miracle we made it to the hospital and soon Darcy was in a bed, ready for our baby to enter this world. I fed her ice chips to keep her from getting dehydrated and rubbed her back, murmured sweet nothings into her dark hair as I tried my best to make her feel better:.  
  
.:The doctors told her to push moments later and she held my hand so tightly I wondered if it would break. Fanny was at her other side screaming at Darcy to push, to fight, fight!:.  
  
.:Sweat trickled down Darcy's forehead as she pushed for what seemed like forever and finally the crown of our baby's head could be seen. Darcy let out a sigh as the doctors told her they could see the head. She pushed and pushed until finally the wails of our baby filled the air and Darcy slumped back in exhaustion:.  
  
.:I placed small kisses over Darcy's sweaty face, my hands caressing her shoulders as I told her how proud I was of her and how wonderful she'd been:.  
  
.:"I love you so much...I'm sorry it hurt so bad. I am glad men don't have the ability to reproduce though," I whispered as I finally got a smile from Darcy as they cleaned and checked our baby:.  
  
.:"Humans would go extinct," Darcy muttered:.  
  
.:"Well if you really wanted a baby I'd die trying," I said, kissing her cheek as they told us our baby was as healthy as could be, proving to Darcy's father that nothing was wrong with our love. Fanny started crying at the sight of our small daughter as they wrapped her up in a pink blanket and laid her in Darcy's arms:.  
  
.:Darcy's dark eyes went wide and glistened with tears as she stared at our daughter, her red little fingers clenched around Darcy's hand:.  
  
.:"Oh Colvin...she's so beautiful," Darcy whispered as I stroked the baby's dark curling hair. Darcy looked up at me, trying to catch my eyes:.  
  
.:"Colvin?" she asked:.  
  
.:"Hmmmm?":.  
  
.:"I know what I want to name this baby...if it's okay with you," she said. I nodded:.  
  
.:"Okay...":.  
  
.:"I want to name her Hope," Darcy whispered. She smiled when my eyes glazed with tears. How I missed Hope and wished she could be here with me now. Darcy handed me our daughter and I knelt down as we both stared into her tiny face. Hope:.  
  
.:"This time...this Hope won't have to hope for a better life," I softly said. Darcy just smiled at me:.

A/N: Sorry this is short but my story is coming to an end....sorry if it felt rushed :-/


	19. 19: That's All I Needed

.:Chapter 19: That's All I Needed:.  
  
.:I was outside on the porch with Hope in my arms, gazing around at my new surroundings. The house Fanny had promised we'd have was finally finished. Hope was almost two years old. I was very grateful to have such a loving sister like Fanny around; she was nicer to me than she was to anyone else, maybe because they still thought she was a bad apple:.  
  
.:Reverend Wise had came to see Hope a few weeks after she'd been born. He told us we should have had an abortion because this child was evil, filled to the brim with our incest lust. His words had angered me and I had told him to get out. We hadn't seen him since:.  
  
.:Darcy and I knew that he might try to cause trouble for us, but Fanny was enough to get him to back down. No one but the Wises and our family knew Darcy and I were related. And no one else needed to know:.  
  
.:Sometimes I wondered if something was wrong with me, for I never felt ashamed of the love Darcy and I shared. Maybe we were meant to be. We could have met somewhere else and she might have never learned that she was a true Casteel herself. Maybe God was out there, helping us along the way:.  
  
.:I soon noticed that Luke and Annie had a very close relationship and I recognized that they loved each other. Sure, they were family, but it was the look that Darcy and I often shared. Even though Heaven wasn't my real sister, she always treated me kindly when she saw me:.  
  
.:"Colvin?" a voice said and I looked up as Darcy approached me. I smiled as I handed Hope to her, my arms going to embrace her waist:.  
  
.:"It's beautiful, isn't it? I can't believe Mom did this for us. . . it's so wonderful," Darcy said with a smile. I nodded:.  
  
.:A part of me suddenly thought of Hope, hoping she was safe and happy wherever she was. A part of me knew that she was alive and I was sure that things were just fine. Hope was a survivor, as I was. I wasn't a piece of nothing that shouldn't have been born, not like my real mother had said I was. I was loved. That's all I needed:.

* * *

A/N: Thank you everyone who has stuck with me with this story. I decided to end it here because life is getting extremely hectic these days. I hope the ending wasn't too corny and you guys liked it. Thanks!  
  
Cari 


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